On Chiggers, Accountability, and Ice Cream

Chiggers:

Chiggers. Have you ever…had…CHIGGERS! These little bugs that burrow under your skin, lay their eggs, and bug you with a ferocious itch. This is one of many bugs that would lead someone to ask, “God, why on earth did you create CHIGGERS?!?” Our two teenage boys have chiggers on their feet…which looks similar to pimples of all sizes. Pimples that you want to pop, and maybe some you do pop. But regardless you scratch and scratch, and then you eat and touch things…and only after you have touched and eaten things are you are reminded to wash your hands after you scratch and pop. Because who could remember to wash hands when they were a teenager!?!? Moving on...

Accountability:

A week of big highs and big lows. Now that we’ve been houseparenting for about a month (1.5 weeks respite care, 2.5 weeks with our own house kids), I know I’m becoming more comfortable with the design and philosophy of parenting that is employed at Cookson. I’m reminded of the Love and Logic quote that defines success for children as they reach adulthood, “I know this place. I’ve been preparing for it for some time now.” When working as a houseparent you have to see the long term picture. Today (Friday) I got caught up in a momentary situation and forgot the big picture. And when that occurs there is a risk of losing any progress made so far. Thankfully a reminder of the big picture from a loving spouse (thanks Rachel) helped me revise my tone and vision. I was then able to share in a discussion with a teen to work towards growth and accountability. It was my wife who held me accountable and that is exactly why we are going to be helpful to the children in our home.

I haven’t been very good at holding myself – or others – ACCOUNTABLE. When I was a professor, I don’t think I did well at holding students accountable. I rationalized that I was the same kind of student once. I often was conflicted with how to respond when my expectations were not met – do I hold them accountable to the letter of the law…or do I ease off a little…or a lot? My other internal conflict concerned the balance between accountability and developmentally appropriate expectations? Like all kids really, kids at Cookson do not arrive with cookie-cutter development. So how do I hold kids accountable while also recognizing where they are developmentally?

I’m no inspirational, motivational speaker – and sometimes I am slow to get things, but it has occurred to me through tonight’s occurrence that accountability is necessary to achieve GROWTH. It’s not the end-all of growing, though it is a critical piece. Tonight Rachel helped me in our discussion with a teen to 1) be accountable for myself, and 2) hold someone else accountable for their choices. No doubt these 2 points may be the biggest areas of growth for me.

Ice Cream:

Hey how about the good times!?! A big TRUTH – when a kid meets their goal, a good mood follows. One of our kids achieved the Green license for horsemanship – the first belt I think. Along with good moods, we enjoyed ice cream at Sonic, followed by a spontaneous game of tag at an open field at John Brown University. I’m so thankful Cookson recognizes the value of RECREATION for housefamilies. With a dinner chore this week, we rarely were home before 7pm. One thing for sure – our kids love to be outside. We throw the football, play basketball, hit the wiffle ball, and Kaleb loves to ride his bike around our cul-de-sac circle. Tonight we tried a little 3-on-3 game of kickball, but that kinda turned into a discussion of rules and disagreement on the score and safe/out of a player…remember those days? J We are always looking for fun and creative activities to do with our family, so if you know or find anything, please let us know!!!

Writing tonight is good reminder of the BIG PICTURE – that our life will be a mixture of fun, accountability, growth, and probably a lot of bugs.